Archive for the This Is News? Category

This Is News: Expensive Disaster in Space

Posted in Internet, Media, Really, This Is News? with tags , , , , , , on January 29, 2014 by JE Cornett

Can you file bankruptcy in space?

While you were lying awake in bed late Sunday night worried about the plight of the homeless during this bitterly cold Arctic Freeze, James Carl’s empire was crumbling.

Turns out his space fleet was under siege. The surge began when a member of Carl’s coalition failed to make a payment to protect a key staging ground in the ongoing war between Carl’s Pandemic and N3 coalition and CFC and Russian forces.

The bill should have been settled via auto-pay, but something went wrong, resulting in tragic consequences.

“Everything just escalated out of control from there,” says Carl, via Associated Press. “The dust is still settling on that issue. Everyone is just focused right now on fighting to try to regain control of the system.”

Carl’s coalition faces steep odds to retake lost ground. Mineral rights and disruption of valuable trade notwithstanding, more than 100 of the $3000 vessels were destroyed in the attack before Carl was notified by alliance members in the early hours of Monday morning via phone that system B-R5RB was under fire. He spent the remainder of Monday marshaling his troops, and says that dozens of alliance members, volunteers all, took leave from their jobs to help put an end to the takeover.

Right now, Carl’s hope is that with the help of other alliance members, total destruction of B-R5RB can be prevented. While it appears the CFC currently has the upper hand, there is still time for U.S. alliance members to retake the advantage, says Carl.

Regardless, Carl is not giving up.

“It’s a universe full of grudges and constantly changing politics. If we were to lose, we’ll rebuild. Then, we’ll go back and start another war.”

The cost of this war, however, may make rebuilding difficult. Though the war is being waged in the ether, as part of the online game EVE, the real world value of the losses Carl’s coalition has weathered tallies $500,000. Whether Carl and others can afford to re-outfit this completely fictional alliance remains to be seen.


This Is News: Paris Jackson Is 14, Has Her Hair Cut

Posted in Internet, Media, This Is News?, Uncategorized with tags , , , on June 26, 2012 by JE Cornett

If you want to see a picture of Paris’ new haircut, go elsewhere. Photo:

No less than three media outlets have used no more than 500 words to report on the earth-shattering news that Paris Jackson, daughter of the late Michael Jackson, has done what any other normal 14-year-old girl does on a regular basis. She’s had a haircut.

Here’s what has to say about the dramatic event:

Paris, debuted a freshly trimmed hairdo this weekend while out in Los Angeles. The fringe adds a youthful vibe to the 14-year-old’s pretty long brown tresses.

Yes, babies. A youthful vibe. Which means she’s going for the 12-year-old look, because at the ripe old age of 14, she obviously needs to look younger.

Over at Yahoo, where this is somehow landing-page, headline worthy, there’s this:

The new hairstyle–currently very hot among starlets of all ages, and spotted on Paris over the weekend in Los Angeles–is flattering on the 14-year-old, framing her famously vivid eyes.

Because it’s of utmost importance that a 14-year-old frame her famous eyes. Maybe my mind’s in the gutter, but that whole sentence just makes my skin crawl.

Meanwhile, in Madison, Wisconsin of all places, WKOW joins the fray to say:

Just in time for the start of summer, Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris debuted a new look over the weekend… After being kept out of the public eye by her late father for most of her childhood, Paris has recently started to embrace her celebrity.

Somehow, the TV station in Wisconsin reporting on Paris Jackson’s hair bothers me most of all. People is in business just for this sort of thing, and Yahoo regularly stoops to report on the minutiae of celebritots’ lives, but a TV station in Madison, Wisconsin? Why, WKOW, are you reporting on a teen girl’s hair? Didn’t you just have a recall vote, Wisconsin? Don’t you have state fairs and 4th of July celebrations and economic concerns and murders and car accidents or ANYTHING else to worry about, WKOW?


This Is News: Shiloh Turns 6, Wears Brother’s Pants

Posted in Internet, Media, This Is News?, Uncategorized on May 27, 2012 by JE Cornett

America is divided into two camps this weekend: those who are celebrating Memorial Day, and those who are celebrating the birthday of that most American of concepts, Shiloh Jolie Pitt.

Mind you, I wouldn’t have a clue that the blessed day was nigh if every web portal I’ve encountered in the past three days or so hadn’t reminded me. In the event that this had somehow escaped your notice, Shiloh’s birthday is a matter of great importance.

I’m not even going to dwell on what’s wrong with us as Americans that enough of us are interested in a child’s 6th birthday that we’ve pushed her into Google and Yahoo’s top search terms for the past 24 hours.

No, what I’m more worried about is this article by Katherine Perricone, bless her heart, who, if you want to preserve some corner of your soul by not reading the article, has this to share on the matter of interest of Shiloh’s birthday:

With two older brothers she idolizes, it’s impossible for Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, the daughter of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who turns 6 on Sunday, not to mimic their style — but the little tomboy actually raids their closets! Over the past few years as she’s traded dresses for cargo pants, Shiloh has stepped out all over the world in fashions her brothers Maddox, 10, and Pax, 8, have already rocked.

That’s right. It’s not enough that we as a nation are concerned about a 6 year-old girl’s birthday that we’re all running to the interwebs to find out about it. We’re also worried about the fact that she’s, horror of horrors, wearing her brothers’ hand-me-downs. Because if some of us were not worried, then Katherine Perricone, whomever she may be, would not be going through paparazzi photos from the past six or seven years with a gimlet eye toward the pants that Maddox and Shiloh Jolie Pitt wear.

In a land of 40+ oz. soft drinks, handguns at Wal-Mart and the Kardashians, this is a new low.